Our Clara Jane

As I hold our precious little girl this week I am reminded of the fear I felt when I was told that I had anti-E antibodies. The tremor in my voice when I scheduled the appointment for prenatal counseling with a high-risk specialist. The dread that washed over me when that conversation included things like severe jaundice, amniocentesis, blood transfusions to the baby IN the womb, specialists, referrals, blood tests, NICU stays... I look at our little girl and I think about the blood tests every 4 weeks, the waiting, the wondering, the results. The nights I laid awake and prayed that the levels would be low. The excitement I felt when I received news of low titers. The frustration when they discovered the anti-Cw antigen. I think of how strange it felt to order a medical bracelet so that if there is ever an emergency, doctors would know. I think of the conversations Sam and I have had, the "what if's," questioning if this would, by necessity, be our last, and hoping, pleading, praying that she would make it. That my body would not fight the pregnancy and harm the life I had growing inside of me. And I think of you, all of you, who stood with us, praying for us, encouraging us, standing in the gap for the precious little life I carried.

When she arrived and I saw our baby girl for the first time, her perfectly formed fingers and toes, her tiny lips and bright eyes, the fuzzy baby hair on her head...the tears flowed freely down my cheeks, dripping onto my hospital gown. Not only at the miracle of new life, but out of immense gratitude that our prayers, and the prayers of so many of our friends and family had been answered. She arrived perfectly healthy and whole, completely unaffected by the antigens in my blood, with no need for invasive, risky procedures or an extended stay in a NICU.

The last 9 months have required of me a greater level of trusting God than most of the 26 years prior. Faced with circumstances that were completely out of my control, I had to choose whether I would let fear rule my life, or whether I would choose to trust in a God who is GREATER, who's plans are BETTER, and who's love for me, and for our precious little girl, knows no bounds. Testing, monitoring, waiting for results, regular appointments with a high-risk doctor...it wasn't always easy. But I chose to trust Him. Instead of spending my sleepless nights in fear, I chose to lay in bed at night and pray over our little girl.

My prayers, and the prayers of so many of you, were answered last Thursday as our 9lb 4oz, beautiful baby girl came into this world perfectly healthy. Clara Jane, not only have you completely stolen your mama's heart, but you will always be a reminder to me of God's faithfulness in our lives. 

Thank you so much to each one of you who prayed for us, and for our little girl, these past few months.

-Bethany